I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize