its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
this hospital has no fireball
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
