Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize