So drunk its hurt
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
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