As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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