fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
