Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
