Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Mom said you looked used
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
