Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize