you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
