who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
