I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
