Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
