theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
