i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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