She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
