Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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