Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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