I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
