i already hear my dad disowning me
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
