in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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