i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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