dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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