Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
