Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
