You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
