Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
