there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
