Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
