is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
