I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
