I can text with my tongue
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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