:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
