she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
