Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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