We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize