I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize