He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
