i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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