benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
