I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
