hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
