your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
