grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
