I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have fence marks all over my body
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
