We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We are all done wearing pants today
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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