Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
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