someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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