imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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