and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize