So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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