opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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