Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize