dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
