is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
