I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
