Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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