I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
