A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
