Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
