i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
