im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
