The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
