Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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