I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
People with herpes should wear stickers.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
