i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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