Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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