and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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