Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
