Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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