So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize