he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
