What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
